It's-a me, in full-blown panic mode. My coffee mug is empty, my cat is judging me, and I just spilled ketchup on my favorite shirt.
Seek immediate professional help, or at least a sympathetic listener
Emergency contact: Snack delivery hotline
Press the panic button for a soothing meme
Disclaimer: This website is not actually a real emergency contact or therapy service. Unless you're in a real emergency, don't actually call or click on anything.